Today I feel completely overwhelmed. I am exhausted. I have pain in my thyroid, pain in my arms, brain fog and just generally feel shit. I want to sleep all the time but no matter how much or how little sleep I have I still feel the same amount of exhausted.
I’m really struggling.
Category: blog
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I survived!
I had my blood test and am so proud of myself, I was extremely nervous but went in and tried to relax and distract myself. I didn’t pass out or throw up which is always a massive plus for me and after that I treated myself to a smoothie which was delicious.
It’s strange because I had kind of written the day off because I assumed I was going to come back feeling really shit but I felt ok, just a bit worn out from the anxiety so I chilled for a little while and watched Mr Beast, Mr Bro and Sortedfood videos on the ol’ Youtube and then had a little nap with my dog.
And now I’m up and trying to tidy up a little and get some bits sorted. I have so much housework to do but the sun is shining and it is beautiful outside so I might potter about outside for a bit and then get on with cleaning.
I have a book review I want to write today or tomorrow and also hoping to do a cheeky little stream tonight or in the morning.
Anyway, hope you are all having a lovely day or night wherever you are. Look after yourselves, stay hydrated and do good things!
❤
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Blood Test
This morning I have a blood test… well for of the bloody (lol) things. I’m so nervous! I have been fasting and already feel a little wobbly, lightheaded and faint so I am really hoping that I won’t pass out or throw up. Todays tests are checking for coeliac disease, glucose, bone protein and various other things.
I have the day booked off work as I know how I am after a blood test. Usually a massive drama queen but especcially as I’m fasting I’m worried about how I’ll feel after.
Anyway, wish me luck!
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Struggling To Cope
So when I got my blood test results a few weeks back it says hypothyroidism and prediabetes. My GP said ‘Oh it’s hypothyroidism, don’t bother Googling it. All your symptoms though are caused by anxiety. We’ll do a blood test in 12 weeks’
Obviously I Googled it as I’m not just going to ignore it.
Since then I’ve had good days, bad days but in general feel unable to cope. Today I have been in bed most of the day. I’ve not been in work this week as I’ve been too exhausted. Also I have pain in my joints, my calves, I keep getting headaches, foggy brain, sore eyes, dizzy spells and last night my thumbs started to hurt a lot. But then I am stressing about money which also doesn’t help. I need to work but I just can’t some days. Writing this is a huge struggle but I need to get out how I’m feeling as I feel so much bottled up right now. Sorry if there is any spelling errors or it doesn’t read very well.
I contacted the doctor again as I can’t live like this. They will call me on Friday which seems so far away.
I’m so miserable. I have so much I want to do, so much I want to achieve and just feel like I’m trying to get through the day. I want to write, I want to stream, I want to go walking and get some sunshine. I have a pile of washing to sort out, clothes to put away and I need a shower (I haven’t had the energy to wash for a couple of days please don’t judge me) and ideally I need to go to work. But the thought of even picking up a dish just makes me feel like crying. I don’t know what to do.
I’m going to go have a shower though and hopefully that’ll help put me in a better mood.
Look after yourselves and have a fantastic day ❤
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Mixed Feelings
Congratulations one and all we have nearly made it through the first week of schools being reopened, unless you aren’t from the UK and then well congratulations for making it through the majority of the week. Hopefully, you have all had a great week so far and hopefully will continue to and also have a fantastic weekend. I am rooting for you!
I’ve been a little conflicted in my thoughts in regard to the schools reopening, there are so many pros and cons to them opening. In terms of me having more time to focus on writing, streaming, and cleaning my neglected house then it is great! My son seems to have a bit of a skip in his step since being back and seeing his friends even though he is adamant that he hates school. But on the other hand I can’t help but worry about the covid situation. How long will it go on for and will this put us in more danger again?
Hopefully with the vaccine and some people now having immunity against it, we’ll be ok but I don’t know. I have doubts.
But I am trying to be optimistic and focus on the positives. I am yet to stream this week but I have been writing more, reading more and trying to get organised.
What is helping you get through? What are your thoughts?
Anyway, time to get ready for work.
❤
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Hypothyroidism
So I finally got a kind of diagnosis, it’s been a long time coming. So my diagnosis so far is hypothyroidism and prediabetes. Although my doctor only decided to inform me of the hypothyroidism and nothing else. He also told me ‘Don’t bother Googling it’ which obviously I did. He also doesn’t seem to realise that I have access to my blood results, doctors notes, etc etc so I can see the rest. He said that my symptoms are caused by anxiety and not the thyroid issues… even though all my symptoms including anxiety can be caused my hypothyroidism and/or prediabetes.
So what next you might be wondering? … Well I have an ECG next week to check if I have any heart problems but other than that he said ‘We’ll do a blood test in 12 weeks.’ So here I am, barely functioning with no medical help.
I have been cutting out foods that are bad for the thyroid and eating foods that help it and also the same with food recommended for people with prediabetes. Last week I felt a lot better but this week I am a mess. I haven’t made it to work at all this week so moneywise that is a huge issue. But I am so tired it hurts to be awake, I have brain fog, aches and pains, stomach pain, I feel like I’m being strangled and the dizzy spells are really bad.
So I’m trying to get well enough to be able to function but it’s impossible this week. Also I’m trying to help educate my son, do the house work, and get everything done. I just can’t deal with it. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until I feel better. I can’t manage it and I certainly can’t cope.
But I have to.
I suppose my health has always been a concern of mine, but in recent years it has taken a huge downward spiral. I am trying to work on my mental health with my high daily dosage of Venlafaxine, a healthy…ish diet and exercise (ok I bought a yoga mat, resistance bands and a fitness tracker which is a start) and physically… well back to the yoga mat and so on.
What has been concerning me of late is my physical health. I have extreme fatigue, dizzy spells, heart palpitations, weird tingling in my legs coupled with a feeling that I am not fully in control of my limbs and I have strange body spasms in my sleep.
Now I am the first to tell people to see a doctor, get blood tests, call 111, look after your health and all that boring sensible stuff. But when it comes to me and my health I am a nightmare. I like to take the approach of… well soon enough it’ll go away. And although admitting that I am sometimes wrong is … well pretty much unheard of. I have to admit that with this, I have been completely and utterly wrong and I should of seen a doctor sooner.
The main reason for me disliking to see the doctor is normally I come away feeling disheartened, unheard and frustrated but this time the doctor actually listened to me. She signed me off of work for the week minimum and sorted out a blood test for the first stage of getting this investigated. And depending on what the results are there will be more tests or treatment.
Despite my nerves around blood and needles I bravely (not so much bravely but I did it anyway) went to the hospital to have my blood drawn and hopefully soon enough we’ll get some answers.
Until then, I will be mostly found reading, listening to audiobooks, debating starting yoga and playing video games. As I have been told to rest and take it easy. Although homeschooling a six year old isn’t the most relaxing task but what can one do. Also I am probably going back to work tomorrow as this girl needs to get paid!
I’ll keep you all updated.
Until next time, stay safe ❤
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New Years Resolutions
I was meant to write this ages ago, I was also meant to have this blog set up and ready months ago. I mean, it’s a new year and I’m still as much of a procrastinator as ever. So note to self… don’t bother putting ‘Stop procrastinating’ as a new years resolution as we already know I’m not going to be able to stick to it.
I like to see these resolutions as more of a plan, a set of goals throughout the year and these can be as small as finally getting around to watching Breaking Bad to as big as traveling the world. Nothing is too big or too small to get on the list. And if I get something started but don’t see it through then it’s still progress.
It’s also a nice time to reflect. December and January for me is a time to think, reflect and look to the future. I sometimes think that I haven’t achieved much or that I haven’t done as much as I’d like to but it’s good to remember the things you have done. For example I did a 12 hour charity convoy on Euro Truck Simulator 2 raising money and awareness for St Jude Children’s Research Hospital, joined The Mess Hall and got partnered with Binx.TV.
My main goals for the year involve my health, my stream, my finance and my family. In short I want to improve my mental and physical health, I want to stream more and make my stream bigger and better, I want to pay off some debt and save up and I want to spend quality time with my family.
So here’s a list of goals:
1) Get on top of my finances – which involves paying off debt and saving up. Also will use some of the money I save on buying a proper gaming PC.
2) Sort my health out. Suffering with various mental health issues I sometimes find this hard to manage. Also my physical health has gone down hill so I want to get healthier and fitter. I’ve signed up to do 2020 Race For Life which should give me goals and regular exercise in the lead up to it which hopefully should help me out. And I think that by improving my physical health it will help me with some of my mental health problems.
3) Learn sign language… this has been on my list since I was about 14 years old so maybe this year will be the year I finally do it.
4) Learn a language (other than sign language). I would love to learn Spanish, French and Romanian. Spanish because I love the language, it’s so beautiful. French because I learnt a bit at school and would love the develop that knowledge further and Romanian because I work with a lot of Romanians and would like to learn the language that they speak.
5) Go to TwitchCon in Amsterdam or even better in America.
6) Go to New Zealand. My brother moved out there a few years back and I would love to go there and spend quality time with him and his wife, have him spend quality time with my son and also enjoy this beautiful country I hear so much about.
7) Travel to and around Australia. Like this is totally not going to happen and comes as less of a priority as New Zealand but… you never know. Like I said… if you wanna do it, bung it on the list!
8) Stream more regularly. Maybe get in to a set routine with it.
9) Do some video making. This is something my son wants to do and something that I want to do so we are in the process of sorting this for my Youtube channel (more information on this soon)
10) Write. I have a story that I want to write. I also want to blog regularly.
There’s probably more but I can’t remember. But I’m interested to know what other peoples goals and resolutions are.
Catch you soon!
Hibiscus_Flower 