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Book Review

Before Her Eyes – Jack Jordan

I bought this with a few other books during one of my many book buying binges, and it was put on the shelf with my hundreds of books to be read, but it was one of those that I still did not forget the synopsis and was always looking forward to reading. The moment I started reading it, I was hooked and did not want to stop reading until I had all the answers and experienced the whole book while also kind of not wanting it to end because when I read a really good book, I feel like whatever I read next might not live up to this standard and I will forever be disappointed. Yeah… I worry over stupid things and I’m also very dramatic at times, just accept it for now and we’ll move forward together.

                Naomi Hannah, born blind and abandoned by her birth Mother at a young age finds herself living in a small coastal town where everyone knows everyone and gossip spreads like wildfire. Unhappy and plagued with suicidal thoughts Naomi always putting others before herself tries to come up with the best way to end her life with the least amount of trauma to those she loves, including her faithful companion guide dog Max.
                After a disaster shift at work she heads home and stumbles on a murder scene and although she can’t see the body or the killer, the killer can see her. Will she be next?

                Marcus who is new to the force but partnered with the closed off bully Lisa try to solve the murder but both keen to steer it in opposite directions and with conflicts of interest, secrets and lies it is not an easy task. Could Naomi help, would she even want to?

                I found myself in awe of Naomi who was living as independently as possible and despite her mental health issues she kept trying to continue and doing her best get through her obstacles. She is a unique character to any others I’ve read in a book before, and it was quite an experience. I always find myself attached to characters in books, but this was something else. I could feel her claustrophobia, her panic, her disorientation. I could really get myself in her head and she’s a character that will stay with me for a very long time.
                I would highly recommend this book, it was beautifully written and although heavy going emotionally and as intense it was, it was a journey that I loved from start to finish.

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Truth

Today I feel completely overwhelmed. I am exhausted. I have pain in my thyroid, pain in my arms, brain fog and just generally feel shit. I want to sleep all the time but no matter how much or how little sleep I have I still feel the same amount of exhausted.

I’m really struggling.

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I survived!

I had my blood test and am so proud of myself, I was extremely nervous but went in and tried to relax and distract myself. I didn’t pass out or throw up which is always a massive plus for me and after that I treated myself to a smoothie which was delicious.

It’s strange because I had kind of written the day off because I assumed I was going to come back feeling really shit but I felt ok, just a bit worn out from the anxiety so I chilled for a little while and watched Mr Beast, Mr Bro and Sortedfood videos on the ol’ Youtube and then had a little nap with my dog.

And now I’m up and trying to tidy up a little and get some bits sorted. I have so much housework to do but the sun is shining and it is beautiful outside so I might potter about outside for a bit and then get on with cleaning.

I have a book review I want to write today or tomorrow and also hoping to do a cheeky little stream tonight or in the morning.

Anyway, hope you are all having a lovely day or night wherever you are. Look after yourselves, stay hydrated and do good things!

❤

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Blood Test

This morning I have a blood test… well for of the bloody (lol) things. I’m so nervous! I have been fasting and already feel a little wobbly, lightheaded and faint so I am really hoping that I won’t pass out or throw up. Todays tests are checking for coeliac disease, glucose, bone protein and various other things.

I have the day booked off work as I know how I am after a blood test. Usually a massive drama queen but especcially as I’m fasting I’m worried about how I’ll feel after.

Anyway, wish me luck!

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Book Review

The Island by M.A. Bennett

I was extremely excited to read this book. I absolutely loved S.T.A.G.S, D.O.G.S and F.O.X.E.S and cannot wait for the next two books in the series but until then I decided to read The Island by the same author, Oxford University and University of Venice graduate M.A. Bennett.

The book follows Link who has come from America to England and is struggling to settle into his new school, Osney. With its ranking system of athletic ability equating to where your position is in the school, from top dog to practically slave to those in higher positions and it’s insane traditions, Link quickly finds himself at the bottom of the food chain and the continuous butt of the joke.

After enjoying three of M.A. Bennet’s books, I had high hopes but unfortunately, I was disappointed. I thought it was going to be about a group of teenagers who crash on to an island on their way to a school trip and must do what they can to survive. I wanted feral teenagers but got a bunch of useless wankers and a hallucinating sex pest.  

The storyline was farfetched, unbelievable, and really did not make much sense. I found it hard to really care about any of the characters as the majority are just awful people and the ones who were quite likable did not get enough ‘airtime’ and there was about three times when I decided to give up on the book and then continued hoping that the ending would piece it all together and make the rest of the story better when all is revealed. But it got worse!

Spoilers below:

I thought that I would feel for the main character and at times I did, I hate bullying and felt sorry for him… until he became an arsehole which was the moment he woke up on ‘his’ island. Link seemed to think that the world owed him something. Which I guess that was the point, but it was so extreme to the point of objectifying women and literally starving the nicest girl on the island who then forgives him too quickly. And despite turning this way so quickly, he then was the opposite and didn’t really seem that fussed when he found out that his parents had been behind the whole thing all along. I understand that he has the advantage on the island with his basic knowledge of fire starting and well not much else and after being bullied so harshly he holds a lot of anger to these people to then being seen as the survival expert on the island it would give you power and that power might go to your head. But the bullies rushed to him and admired him quicker than I felt was realistic, him turning into such an arse was too quick and then the forgiving and moving forward happened quicker than I could even roll my eyes.


I did like that some of the characters became nicer and they opened up to each other about their insecurities and there were some sweet moments between each other. Some of these teenagers’ experiences and their way of dealing with the pressure of school at some parts where relatable. But then after the whole ordeal they kind of just became arseholes again or just got on with their lives without taking anything from their experiences. I feel like these strong headed characters would be left with PTSD or at least a whole lot of anger towards the organisers of this experience and their parents for letting it go ahead.  They seemed to just accept what had happened and then… new school term time to get on with it. Personally, I’d be rebelling and acting out, big time! Also how dare his parents try and discipline him for his mild drug use while trapped on an island, not knowing if he’d ever get off the island. Like come on! Really?

Also the last part of the book, of Link in the future was so pointless in my opinion and it made me dislike the book even more. I feel it would have made sense for him to be in a therapy session or disowning his awful parents. Not looking back like ‘Ah yeah… that time I was abandoned on an island with nothing but my school bullies and some random shite.. good times.’

I’m still looking forward to the next two S.T.A.G.S books but I just can’t get my head around this being written by the same author. This is the first book in a long time that I have really disliked. Some I thought I disliked but then the ending made it all connect and fall into place and gave me a whole new perspective on the story and I really hoped that this would do that but alas it did not.

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Struggling To Cope

So when I got my blood test results a few weeks back it says hypothyroidism and prediabetes. My GP said ‘Oh it’s hypothyroidism, don’t bother Googling it. All your symptoms though are caused by anxiety. We’ll do a blood test in 12 weeks’

Obviously I Googled it as I’m not just going to ignore it.

Since then I’ve had good days, bad days but in general feel unable to cope. Today I have been in bed most of the day. I’ve not been in work this week as I’ve been too exhausted. Also I have pain in my joints, my calves, I keep getting headaches, foggy brain, sore eyes, dizzy spells and last night my thumbs started to hurt a lot. But then I am stressing about money which also doesn’t help. I need to work but I just can’t some days. Writing this is a huge struggle but I need to get out how I’m feeling as I feel so much bottled up right now. Sorry if there is any spelling errors or it doesn’t read very well.

I contacted the doctor again as I can’t live like this. They will call me on Friday which seems so far away.

I’m so miserable. I have so much I want to do, so much I want to achieve and just feel like I’m trying to get through the day. I want to write, I want to stream, I want to go walking and get some sunshine. I have a pile of washing to sort out, clothes to put away and I need a shower (I haven’t had the energy to wash for a couple of days please don’t judge me) and ideally I need to go to work. But the thought of even picking up a dish just makes me feel like crying. I don’t know what to do.

I’m going to go have a shower though and hopefully that’ll help put me in a better mood.

Look after yourselves and have a fantastic day ❤

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Mixed Feelings

Congratulations one and all we have nearly made it through the first week of schools being reopened, unless you aren’t from the UK and then well congratulations for making it through the majority of the week. Hopefully, you have all had a great week so far and hopefully will continue to and also have a fantastic weekend. I am rooting for you!

I’ve been a little conflicted in my thoughts in regard to the schools reopening, there are so many pros and cons to them opening. In terms of me having more time to focus on writing, streaming, and cleaning my neglected house then it is great! My son seems to have a bit of a skip in his step since being back and seeing his friends even though he is adamant that he hates school. But on the other hand I can’t help but worry about the covid situation. How long will it go on for and will this put us in more danger again?

Hopefully with the vaccine and some people now having immunity against it, we’ll be ok but I don’t know. I have doubts.

But I am trying to be optimistic and focus on the positives. I am yet to stream this week but I have been writing more, reading more and trying to get organised.

What is helping you get through? What are your thoughts?

Anyway, time to get ready for work.

❤

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Book Review

Pearlsilla: The New Wave

By Kendra Sundalnik

Pearlsilla is a mermaid on a mission to save the world through stopping the dumping of toxic waste, minimising pollution, and various other ways. After meeting Zac on the beach, she gets him and his pals on board to help her take down Moto Ronin a plant known for dumping toxic waste in the ocean.

When the book arrived my first thought was how beautiful the cover pictures are, they are so stunning and so colourful, but I feel as though the text on it takes away from the beautiful imagery.  By changing the font, positioning the text away from the edges on the book a little and putting the text that is on the back in the centre of the back and in a white rectangle I think it would compliment the picture and the text would not get lost in the photo as it’s hard to see some of it with the colouring being so close to the tree.

Initially I was not sure on the target audience, was it for children? Was it for adults? Everyone? But the hint of an f bomb in chapter two cleared that up for me. Not for children.

I love the concept of the book, the character of Pearlsilla is great and she is very likable. I would love to see more of this character and what other adventures she could go on. I think doing a series of beautifully illustrated children’s books would do very well, not only for the story but on the other side as well. It could educate the world on how we could all be eco-friendlier and what we can do to achieve this. I do find some of the story really rushed and feel as though the time of her meeting and trusting her new friends to be too quick. I would love to know more about these characters and see them trying to gain her trust a little more and vice versa. I would also like to know why Graham was so keen on helping destroy his place of work risking his income when up until this point he had no issue with what the plant does.

What is very clear is the passion Kendra has for this cause and there is a part where Pearlsilla gives a big motivational speech and explains what is going on in the world and how it is affecting sea life and the world which is beautifully written and so powerful. I would love to see more of that. Kendra clearly has a talent for writing and a vast knowledge of current environmental issues and with this combination she could go far and do so much good in the world. But what I felt let it down was the parts that felt rushed and the occasional spelling error. I would love to read more of Kendra’s work and hopefully she will continue to write as she will be fantastic if she continues to write.

To buy her book you can find it here:

https://www.lulu.com/search/?adult_audience_rating=00&contributor=Kendra+Sudalnik&page=1&pageSize=10

To find Kendra Sudalnik on social media:

Twitter @Pearlsilla

TikTok @Pearlsilla

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Hypothyroidism

So I finally got a kind of diagnosis, it’s been a long time coming. So my diagnosis so far is hypothyroidism and prediabetes. Although my doctor only decided to inform me of the hypothyroidism and nothing else. He also told me ‘Don’t bother Googling it’ which obviously I did. He also doesn’t seem to realise that I have access to my blood results, doctors notes, etc etc so I can see the rest. He said that my symptoms are caused by anxiety and not the thyroid issues… even though all my symptoms including anxiety can be caused my hypothyroidism and/or prediabetes.

So what next you might be wondering? … Well I have an ECG next week to check if I have any heart problems but other than that he said ‘We’ll do a blood test in 12 weeks.’ So here I am, barely functioning with no medical help.

I have been cutting out foods that are bad for the thyroid and eating foods that help it and also the same with food recommended for people with prediabetes. Last week I felt a lot better but this week I am a mess. I haven’t made it to work at all this week so moneywise that is a huge issue. But I am so tired it hurts to be awake, I have brain fog, aches and pains, stomach pain, I feel like I’m being strangled and the dizzy spells are really bad.

So I’m trying to get well enough to be able to function but it’s impossible this week. Also I’m trying to help educate my son, do the house work, and get everything done. I just can’t deal with it. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until I feel better. I can’t manage it and I certainly can’t cope.

But I have to.

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Health

I suppose my health has always been a concern of mine, but in recent years it has taken a huge downward spiral. I am trying to work on my mental health with my high daily dosage of Venlafaxine, a healthy…ish diet and exercise (ok I bought a yoga mat, resistance bands and a fitness tracker which is a start) and physically… well back to the yoga mat and so on.

What has been concerning me of late is my physical health. I have extreme fatigue, dizzy spells, heart palpitations, weird tingling in my legs coupled with a feeling that I am not fully in control of my limbs and I have strange body spasms in my sleep.

Now I am the first to tell people to see a doctor, get blood tests, call 111, look after your health and all that boring sensible stuff. But when it comes to me and my health I am a nightmare. I like to take the approach of… well soon enough it’ll go away. And although admitting that I am sometimes wrong is … well pretty much unheard of. I have to admit that with this, I have been completely and utterly wrong and I should of seen a doctor sooner.

The main reason for me disliking to see the doctor is normally I come away feeling disheartened, unheard and frustrated but this time the doctor actually listened to me. She signed me off of work for the week minimum and sorted out a blood test for the first stage of getting this investigated. And depending on what the results are there will be more tests or treatment.

Despite my nerves around blood and needles I bravely (not so much bravely but I did it anyway) went to the hospital to have my blood drawn and hopefully soon enough we’ll get some answers.

Until then, I will be mostly found reading, listening to audiobooks, debating starting yoga and playing video games. As I have been told to rest and take it easy. Although homeschooling a six year old isn’t the most relaxing task but what can one do. Also I am probably going back to work tomorrow as this girl needs to get paid!

I’ll keep you all updated.

Until next time, stay safe ❤

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